Post by Satsu on Feb 13, 2013 16:31:24 GMT -5
...and last but not least, a few jokes for you...
What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything.
What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? Boobies!
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.
A woman had an exorcism, but she couldn't pay the bill, so they repossessed her.
What did one tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing! They were both stuck up bitches.
What do gays and bungee jumpers have in common? When the rubber breaks youre in the shit.
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, "You know, we have a drink named after you."
The grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Bob?"
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent!"
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
A newly licensed Psychologist decides to have a costume party for New Years. She invites her guests telling them to come as their favorite emotion. The night of the party, the doorbell rings - it's a woman all dressed in red. The Psychologist says "don't tell me, you're passion, right?" Of course. Soon the bell rings again and there's a woman all dressed in green. The Psychologist say "don't tell me, you're envy, right?" Of course. And so the night goes on until the bell rings, she goes to answer and when she opens the door there stands a man, completely naked with a pear hanging from his genitals. The Psychologist is clueless and says "um, you’re um" and the man says "I'm fucking dis pear"
Happy Valentine’s Sweetheart… ;D Hurry up and enjoy your day!
What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything.
What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? Boobies!
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.
A woman had an exorcism, but she couldn't pay the bill, so they repossessed her.
What did one tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing! They were both stuck up bitches.
What do gays and bungee jumpers have in common? When the rubber breaks youre in the shit.
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, "You know, we have a drink named after you."
The grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Bob?"
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent!"
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
A newly licensed Psychologist decides to have a costume party for New Years. She invites her guests telling them to come as their favorite emotion. The night of the party, the doorbell rings - it's a woman all dressed in red. The Psychologist says "don't tell me, you're passion, right?" Of course. Soon the bell rings again and there's a woman all dressed in green. The Psychologist say "don't tell me, you're envy, right?" Of course. And so the night goes on until the bell rings, she goes to answer and when she opens the door there stands a man, completely naked with a pear hanging from his genitals. The Psychologist is clueless and says "um, you’re um" and the man says "I'm fucking dis pear"
Happy Valentine’s Sweetheart… ;D Hurry up and enjoy your day!